My friend once told me that she was in love with the moon.
I could see why. It’s beautiful yellow solemnity fading into the color purple of an evening sky was enough to appreciate the way it brought the smooth edges of the night to light, like the reflection of the television outlines our bodies in a dark room, making everything look softer and more poetic.
But the moon is subtle, so though I noticed it, I never loved it. It was merely an ornament in the sky, an inefficient light bulb to my darkness.
You see, I did not love the moon because I was chasing the sun.
It seemed much more worthy of love; a great fiery symbol of strength, of life.
Light so powerful that it created the very colors we see, nourishing life, giving warmth and comfort; a constant in every day with each sunrise and sunset.
But the sun can burn; it does not know subtlety or softness. It does not know melancholy or coyness. It’s fiery rage blares confidently and assuredly, the king of the sky.
Then one day the sun set, as it does, and I chose to see the darkness not as the absence of day, but as the transition to a new world. I allowed myself to succumb to the night.
And there, my darkness found a home.
The darkness, the anguish, the uncertainty, the unconventional parts of me began to twist and writhe to life. They no longer needed to cower in the shadowy depths of my soul. This was their world.
Then I saw my moon, a magnificent illumination of soft passion, so fluorescent and intriguing that it brought warmth to my eyes but chills to my skin.
The moon, hiding in plain sight, never a constant, sometimes bright and bold, and other times a small sliver of a coy smile, and sometimes gone altogether.
I saw my moon, how it didn’t erase darkness but enhanced it, how it moved oceans, how it changed from deep yellow to white to purple and sometimes red.
And it filled me.
It filled me with fear and curiosity, passion and ferociousness,
But most importantly, it filled the half of me that had been empty and subdued my entire life.
And I fell in love with the moon.