ramblescramble

Herewegoagainthethoughtsandhartredandselfloathing

and

thelookingatyoulookingatmethinkingaboutthenandsoon

but never now.

Nobody cares iswhathesaidordidheordidIimagineitorexaggerateit

Or do I even know what really happens anymore?

IlookattheclockandIwakeupandIlookatthetimeandIrushandIlookatthephoneandIthink

IneedtotrainIneedtorunIneedtotextmytrainersIneedtoworkmoreIneedmoremoney

IneedtocallthephotgrapherIneedtodolaundryIneednewcleatsIhavenomoney.

You’re disappointed. Join the club.

Is that what he said? Nobody cares? Or is it what I wanted to hear?

becauseifIdon’tmatterthenIfinallyhaveareasonandmaybeIenjoybeingsadbecauseIseemtoalwaysfuckingfindawaytobe

sad.

Iworksohard

Nobody cares.

Ilovesomuch

Nobody cares

Ihavedreams

Nobody cares.

Is that what he said? I don’t remember. There’s too much noise.

Whatdayisitagain?IsitMondayorSaturdayamItrainingbeforeorafterworkormaybelunchtime

Itwillcost3000dollarsforherbutherhusbandhascancerareyougonnacallormeOkI’llcall

Fuck.

ShehasrealproblemsandhereIamcryingbecauseIcan’tplayandnobodycares.

I can’t breathe.

Breathe.

Ok…Ok…

I think it’s over.

FUCKnoit’snot.

TheysaidyouwerecrazywellyesIambutit’smorecomplicatedthanthatyouseeIwasyoungandinloveandshetrickedmeandIlostmyselfandIwascrazyImeanIamcrazybutfuckamIreallythatcrazydoesshestilltellpeoplethatofcourseshedoesbecauseIam

It’s only a matter of time.

He said I think you’re a good person. Am I?

It’shardtomakeitstoponceitstartsgoingthenoiseandthetalkingandtherepeatingandthebreathingandthesorrysandtheshutupsandthepoundingandtherepeatingandthedefeaningsilence

of loneliness.

Tear it out of me. I beg. Just tear it out. I don’t want it anymore. It makes me feel so good but makes me hurt so much.

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