please make them stop
As I swallow gulps of hazy regrets
Set in the unsettling of my stomach
When my back gets wet and mouth dry
In a heaving crying sigh of longing
For relief. I want to keep the fantasy
Alive, striving to sleep at night,
Unmoved by the black spirits
That tie my wrists in twists
Of bound terror. Raping my love
with nightmares of rusting
Syringes sticking my chest
With corroding trust, needles thrust
Into my belly, leeching syrupy essence
Of rarely-present lust. I burrow my fury,
Purge anguish through a manic soliloquy.
The demons that hang above my head
Fill the dreadful night with the
Stench of fright and desire for flight,
Away; off a cliff, into the bright
How can I explain this anguish,
Pain in my brain?
How do I describe it to the sane?
I’m hollowed, gutted of hope,
A cheap trope for healing, feeling unreal,
Revealing bitter distaste and disdain
For love or coping.
Silence envelopes the darkened room;
I assume the position of reconciliation,
Conditional upon my promise to let myself
Bloom. I’m attuned to the peace
In the dissipation of musty plumes,
Memories of fluttering doves departed from
This sense of doom. I crawl back
To bed like a weary stray, praying
To stay in your arms for one more day.
by Angela Castillo (2019)