Love is a Greedy Bitch
Who is this ambiguous figure
That contorts and lingers into
Green, eyes pried to the side
For intended hurt pride; but why
This arbitrary imagination
Hell-bent on contradiction, married
To the condition of jealous remorse
Through inner discourse of feverishly
Gritting rage? I prepare for my stage,
A psychotic cage of hot rod iron bars
That feed the Harpy fire.
The existence of others can smother
My nose with rosy aromas of envied
Femininity. How I wish to be small
And dainty, painted in pinks and whites,
With the frailty of delicate daisies.
How I love to hate me
Through the assumption that my
Plump lumbering body is only
Rigid and bulky in masculine
Inclinations to command eyes
Through hallucinations of a
Livestock prize.
Hearing voices as soft as
Down pillows of swans’ grace,
I bury my face in swallows
Of bellows, my singing as cringey
And deep as a dumbfounded sheep.
It makes me creep so,
Beneath the sand where I hide
My head from the dread that
I might just be fevered enough
To project my obscure pain,
Once again, through some insecure
Brain-less desire to leech pleasure
From anything, everything, wanting
All eyes on me; but closed, a torn
Dichotomy of desires inspired
By the lies, the emotional lobotomy
Of esteem I suffered when I was reduced
From stallion to steed.
But I will try again, you see;
My compassion is much more
Greedy than my jealousy.
I can love those I fear. I reside
On shores that envy the waves,
But can still adore the ocean’s
Amazing beauty. I know how to
Live with duality, so here I’ll stay
And paint my days with my blues,
Purples, and blacks; I know that
I don’t lack individuality. I’ll learn
To use my melancholy tears to sheer
The scars from sharp words that
Told me I was ugly. Look for me
In the forest of gray clouds
And shrouded rain fantasies.
by Angela Castillo (2019)
Beautiful
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thank you 🙂
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